Ways of Thinking Positive - 2
Peaceful Corner.
Peaceful Corner.
Appa, My father-in-law, was staying with me at Wai during his last few months.
In last few years he
preferred to stay at Wai because it was very peaceful here. He stayed for
variable periods and enjoyed the serenity. He was also contented with the
company of his daughter. During his life he seldom had a chance to stay with
her and now, it seemed, he was compensating for that whenever possible.
Recently he had expressed a wish to die here.
And so he was here.
Though he hated hospitals, he trusted me as a Doctor and probably felt safe to
stay with me with my hospital facilities on the ground floor.
I had kept his bed
in the corner of kitchen-cum-dining room. This way we could observe and take
care of him easily. And he felt homely without the deadly feeling of being
admitted in the hospital (or ghastly ICU where the patients feel that they are
kept there to wait for death or, with all instruments and lines attached to
their bodies they are being denied of the mercy of death).
For last two months,
he was bedridden, unable to move on his own, probably in pain, totally
dependent, with his memory failing and unable to speak except few words. He
never complained. It was not his nature. But he was miserable. We could see it
in his eyes. During whole of his life he had never expected anything and never
asked of anything from anybody and now that he was bedridden he had to call us
even for small things like water (let aside giving bedpan and cleaning). That
made him more miserable.
Then, in spite of
all care, he started to develop bed-sores. His condition started deteriorating.
His lungs were congested and he was in distress intermittently.
He was in physical
agony also during his last month. He groaned continuously during nights and
days with intermittent periods of drowsiness, the only periods when he was
calm.
Still he never
complained. But we couldn’t see his condition. With him groaning next to us we
couldn’t have food without feeling guilty. He was helpless and so were we. With
no way back, and dead end ahead, we prayed for his death secretly in our minds.
Why anyone, who had
helped so many people without expectation; had always wished all good things
for others; had never hurt anybody in his life, accepted all ups and downs
calmly and who had lived a simple and peaceful life without any complaint
should suffer like this?
Then one morning he
was gasping. We were sitting around him holding his hands, my fingers on his
pulse. With efforts and summoning all his strength he said a few words, “Sukhi raha” (be happy and contented).
Then he went in stupor.
Such periods of ups
and downs, with alternating periods of painful wakefulness, distressful
drowsiness and semi-unconsciousness continued with increasing frequency and
severity with increasing pain and distress. He died after fifteen days. God (if
there is any), at last, was kind to him.
Next day we removed
the bed from the kitchen, cleaned that corner and moved the dining table to its
original place in that corner. Then I had a weird feeling. Despite temperament
and training, our minds work irrationally. I thought, with this arrangement, we
will dine everyday in the corner of agony and suffering.
Then suddenly my
mind cleared. Why should I think like this? With his death the suffering has
ended and he was at peace. So this corner has now become the Corner of Peace.
On the third day we went to the “Ghats” (Cremation place). There
was a slight drizzle. The riverside was green. We collected the “Asthi” (bones)
and washed the ashes. As per the custom we sprinkled “Go-mutra” and offered the
flowers. Then we bestowed the collected bones in the river. I closed my eyes
and prayed – You were calm and contented throughout your life. You suffered
unreasonably for last months. But now may your “Aatma” (soul) dwell in peace – .
It was His assurance. My mind also became calm. I realized once
again, why should I worry …? I am LIVING in This
Peaceful Corner in the world.
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